you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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