Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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