Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found your dick twin last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
