marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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