jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
