I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize