I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
