if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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