Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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