we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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