Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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