life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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