I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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