So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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