I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
