So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize