I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
