have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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