dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
