Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
