if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My breasts were aching with rage.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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