I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
