none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
