listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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