im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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