I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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