I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are my feet made of real feet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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