I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
