i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
