Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
