that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
