so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
handjob tips. give me some.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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