I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.