Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.

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  (904): Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine. http://tfl.nu/7xom
  Replies (50) Good night (4074) Bad night (684)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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  (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport. http://tfl.nu/vfi8
  Replies (26) Good night (3858) Bad night (1830)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

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  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4930) Bad night (1038)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."

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  (401): We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this." http://tfl.nu/1p18
  Replies (15) Good night (4030) Bad night (4888)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

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  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (17601) Bad night (1241)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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  (250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj
  Replies (14) Good night (6070) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.

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  (678): Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job. http://tfl.nu/5ogs
  Replies (11) Good night (4065) Bad night (817)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.

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  (206): Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have. http://tfl.nu/w5t0
  Replies (5) Good night (2048) Bad night (609)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  But you wear shame so well

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  (303): Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group (1-303): But you wear shame so well http://tfl.nu/l3oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2788) Bad night (656)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.

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  (709): I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper. http://tfl.nu/1tdu
  Replies (6) Good night (452) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.

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  (269): Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair. http://tfl.nu/xxq4
  Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i need some food

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.

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  (724): i need some food (412): Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him. http://tfl.nu/mb52
  Replies (9) Good night (558) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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  (305): I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob. http://tfl.nu/2wm2
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.

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  (916): I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/dadk
  Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.

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  (616): Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning. http://tfl.nu/kfpq
  Replies (3) Good night (255) Bad night (138)

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