this beer tastes like vomit already
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help