I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar