why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
