so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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