I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect