we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
