Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
