yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
