Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just cropdusted the office
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
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I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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