I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
