he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
