I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
