I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
