May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
