Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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