She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
