just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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