Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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