fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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