Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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