I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
