im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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