Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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