is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
