I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
