don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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