True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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