i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
