Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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