my phone needs a breathalizer
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
