I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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