I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
