last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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