I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
