I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
