I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
