i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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