so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
