Your face is a jimmy john
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
