Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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