You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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