I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
