when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
