Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
