whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
