yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
