Plan B is the new Plan A
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
