Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
