Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
