The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
