So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
