he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
